In recent days, I had an experience as a partner that taught me something important.
My partner used to wash the dishes, and they would not get properly cleaned.
I used to always correct her: "This is not washed properly."
Later, I realized she was putting her 100%.
However, when I washed the dishes, they also were not getting clean.
Then I realized: the Scotch-Brite which she used was becoming old and was worn out.
When that was replaced, the utensils were getting clean properly.
The same can be related to our lives.
Where we feel things are not done in our way or the ways which we like—the problem will always be the resources which we are using to do that particular task.
Not the person doing it.
Here's what I learned:
I spent days criticizing my partner's effort.
Telling her she wasn't doing it right.
Pointing out every dish that still had residue.
Making her feel like she wasn't capable of something as simple as washing dishes.
But the whole time, the problem wasn't her effort.
It was the tool.
She was giving 100%.
Scrubbing harder. Spending more time. Trying different techniques.
But a worn-out Scotch-Brite can't clean properly—no matter how much effort you put in.
And I blamed her for something she had no control over.
This is how we hurt people without realizing it:
We see the outcome—the dishes aren't clean, the task isn't done right, the result isn't what we expected.
And we immediately assume: They're not trying hard enough.
But we don't ask: Do they have what they need to succeed?
Think about how often we do this:
- We criticize someone's work without asking if they have the right tools
- We judge someone's performance without considering their resources
- We blame someone's effort without checking if the system is broken
- We say "you're not doing it right" when really, they don't have what they need to do it right
The moment I tried washing the dishes myself, I understood.
I scrubbed just as hard. Used the same soap. Followed the same process.
And the dishes still weren't clean.
That's when I realized: It was never about her.
It was about a worn-out Scotch-Brite that needed replacing.
One small change—a new scrubber—and suddenly:
The dishes were spotless.
The task was easy.
The problem disappeared.
Not because anyone changed their effort.
But because the resource improved.
This applies to so much in life:
- The employee who's "not performing well" might not have the training they need
- The student who's "not getting it" might not have the right learning materials
- The partner who's "not doing it right" might not have the right tools
- The person who's "failing" might be working with worn-out resources nobody's bothered to replace
Before you criticize someone's effort, ask yourself:
Are they working with worn-out tools?
Do they have what they actually need to succeed?
Am I blaming them for a system failure?
Because effort isn't always the problem.
Sometimes, it's the Scotch-Brite.
I owe my partner an apology.
Not just for the specific criticism.
But for assuming the problem was her when it was never her at all.
She was doing her 100%. Every single time.
I just wasn't seeing that the tool was failing her.
To anyone being criticized for "not doing it right":
Ask yourself: Do I have what I need to succeed?
If the answer is no, the problem isn't you.
And you don't deserve blame for working with broken tools.
To anyone criticizing someone else's work:
Before you judge their effort, check their resources.
Because the difference between "failing" and "succeeding" is often just:
A new Scotch-Brite.
The right training.
Better tools.
Adequate support.
Not more effort.
Just better resources.
The problem isn't always the person.
Sometimes, it's just a worn-out Scotch-Brite that nobody thought to replace.